Please read these old posts with a grain of salt, ok?
I've grown and changed as a person. My beliefs have changed and I am not the same person I was 4 years ago. I'm keeping these here just to reminisce. I've become more understanding with some stuff.
Don't get me wrong, I still believe in God and salvation I am still totally a follower of Christ!
But I realize some of the stuff I was ranting about was rather harsh and insensitive so
don't assume everything I said here reflects how I am now.
Ok by have fun!
Thursday, September 6, 2018
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Sorry I Never Post
Things That Have Changed About Me in the Past Year:
- nothing
Oh wait sorry
Things That Have Changed About Me in the Past Year:
nothing- i have gotten worse
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Inside
The child sat alone. She looked right. She looked left. Nothing. All was good. The room was calm. Her skin was not bleeding. The room was not flooded. No attacks. The physical realm was fine.
But then the rancid voice sharply whispered to her, "Look inside."
She did not want to listen to the voice, but her curiosity controlled her.
Nimbly, she lifted the metallic key from the table in front of her. Gently, she placed the key inside of the lock above her mind (which was on her forehead), sure nothing would be wrong. Why would it? Everything was fine. Good. Well. No reason to be in trouble. Slowly, she turned the key. Calmly, the lock opened. And frantically she screamed.
An awful flood of chaos poured forth from her mind. It spread far upon the floor, oozing sickeningly and bubbling with boiling darkness. The little child cried aloud in a pitiful voice, confused and panicked. What was going on? Why was this happening?! The black tar-like fear dripped over her face, turning her eyes pitch black and filling her open mouth with foul taste. The darkness soiled her once beautiful tunic, and she shook in a huddled ball as the deep darkness suddenly engulfed her. She remembered the key, and tried desperately to seal the lock and keep out all of this, but she could not. It was too much too fast. She could not see. She could not understand.
As she slowly collapsed under the weight of the darkness, her father burst through the door, summoned by her shouts.
"What is wrong, my precious child?" He whispered, tears developing in his eyes, "It hurts me so much to see you in this way! How can I help? What is wrong?"
What is wrong?! What is wrong?! The child thought. She was dumbfounded the father did not see the flood of dark surrounding her. But she did not understand the father could not see it, for it came from the mind, and those things can not be purely seen by anyone except the sufferer.
"I am filth!" Cried the child, "I am dirt! There is darkness in me!"
"No, my child," replied the father, reaching down for the second key, "You are not filth. If this is of the head, then this is not you. But is it of the heart?"
The man turned the second key in the second lock of the girl, which is the heart. The lock opened. And to the girl's surprise, the heart glowed pure white. The heart remained untouched. Through the liquid darkness filling her lungs and eyes and mouth with pools of death, hope burst alive, and the girl smiled still. Her flailing arms subsided, and she began to calm.
"This will not last, my darling," whispered the father, holding his daughter tightly in his arms, "I may not be able to see this, but the one who holds your heart can. He knows your pain. He will stop this flood. And if you remember this, if you remember that there is a light even when you cannot see it, and you fight against this dark, your heart will remain pure. That is what matters. You just must wait."
The father held his daughter, and whispered more promises of the Greater One in her blackened ear. And they waited. And they wait.
But then the rancid voice sharply whispered to her, "Look inside."
She did not want to listen to the voice, but her curiosity controlled her.
Nimbly, she lifted the metallic key from the table in front of her. Gently, she placed the key inside of the lock above her mind (which was on her forehead), sure nothing would be wrong. Why would it? Everything was fine. Good. Well. No reason to be in trouble. Slowly, she turned the key. Calmly, the lock opened. And frantically she screamed.
An awful flood of chaos poured forth from her mind. It spread far upon the floor, oozing sickeningly and bubbling with boiling darkness. The little child cried aloud in a pitiful voice, confused and panicked. What was going on? Why was this happening?! The black tar-like fear dripped over her face, turning her eyes pitch black and filling her open mouth with foul taste. The darkness soiled her once beautiful tunic, and she shook in a huddled ball as the deep darkness suddenly engulfed her. She remembered the key, and tried desperately to seal the lock and keep out all of this, but she could not. It was too much too fast. She could not see. She could not understand.
As she slowly collapsed under the weight of the darkness, her father burst through the door, summoned by her shouts.
"What is wrong, my precious child?" He whispered, tears developing in his eyes, "It hurts me so much to see you in this way! How can I help? What is wrong?"
What is wrong?! What is wrong?! The child thought. She was dumbfounded the father did not see the flood of dark surrounding her. But she did not understand the father could not see it, for it came from the mind, and those things can not be purely seen by anyone except the sufferer.
"I am filth!" Cried the child, "I am dirt! There is darkness in me!"
"No, my child," replied the father, reaching down for the second key, "You are not filth. If this is of the head, then this is not you. But is it of the heart?"
The man turned the second key in the second lock of the girl, which is the heart. The lock opened. And to the girl's surprise, the heart glowed pure white. The heart remained untouched. Through the liquid darkness filling her lungs and eyes and mouth with pools of death, hope burst alive, and the girl smiled still. Her flailing arms subsided, and she began to calm.
"This will not last, my darling," whispered the father, holding his daughter tightly in his arms, "I may not be able to see this, but the one who holds your heart can. He knows your pain. He will stop this flood. And if you remember this, if you remember that there is a light even when you cannot see it, and you fight against this dark, your heart will remain pure. That is what matters. You just must wait."
The father held his daughter, and whispered more promises of the Greater One in her blackened ear. And they waited. And they wait.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
"Ugh, the world."
"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him, because all that is in the world (the desire of the flesh and the desire of the eyes and the arrogance produced by material possessions) is not from the Father, but is from the world. And the world is passing away with all its desires, but the person who does the will of God remains forever."
-1 John 2:15-17
Let me start with this. The world sucks.
I know that may not be the prettiest, most educated way of describing it, but it really is the most accurate.
When I say the word "suck", I normally say it with my teenager-ish attitude that is usually accompanied by a groan or some kind of look of disdain. That is precisely what this world deserves. Every day I get so much utter garbage thrust into my face. It's like somebody keeps shoving dirt down my throat and expects me to be okay with that, or even be like "Oh yes, dirt! Give me more! More dirt! Awesome!"
Ah, no. It's more like, "Okay, what?! You people actually like this stuff?! What is wrong with you???" (Of course, I cannot actually say that, because I must still love my neighbor. I will say more about the "loving you neighbor" thing later.)
Some prime examples of this:
I go to sit down at my computer, and open up Pinterest or Facebook or Youtube. (Or Buzzfeed on occasion, which I am actually trying to stay away from.) I try to look for the "good" stuff, the funny stuff, the wholesome stuff, but everything is just littered with horrible, mortifying displays of obscenities and people looooooooooove it. They really really love it. And I am horrified. And my day is pretty much ruined.
Apparently, the people of my generation, and supposedly me, are all getting pregnant, doing drugs, defying their parents, and cursing. A lot. Oh man, there is simply no way to get away from the cursing. This "s", that "b" and "f" after "f" after "f". I suppose they just are not educated enough to know any other words to express themselves.
But, hey, everyone's doing it, so, everyone's cool with it. Sex outside of marriage? Hey, why not! Homosexuality? Sure! Why not make your favorite characters- who are brother and sister- date each other? Well, we have no moral limits so, go ahead! (Yes, ladies and gentlemen. There have been a few times when people ship siblings, or even siblings of the same gender. Why? I truly do not know.)
So that covers the cursing and debauchery of this messed up world, but there is a whole other section that I think I can say has probably ruined my life! The twisted, horrific, gruesome, scary side. (If you have read my post about fear, then let me just tell you right now this is the fuel for ALL of my daily fears. All of it. Not even exaggerating.) Essentially, this group takes anything- anything at all- and turns it into some kind of horror story. Even My Little Pony. No, especially My Little Pony. Why? Because the world refuses to let me enjoy anything in peace.
There is essentially no way to go throughout this world each day without encountering each of these diseases at least once. And you know what? I think it's slowly killing me. I really think it is. Creeping under my skin and picking at my brain, infesting my blood with poison.
And the worst part of this all is that the world expects me to like their ideals. They expect me to toss away my virginity before the age of twenty. To smoke weed or do meth. To agree that man can marry man or woman can marry woman or both. And even those general ideas I can deal with. For the most part. But the world likes to "dig deep" into the great details of these events. They love to give prime examples of sex being casually tossed around on television or the internet. Or show just how awesome drugs are. They especially love to flaunt around homosexuality and how they don't give a care about anything I have to say. It's like they grab me by the shoulders and scream into my face all the most horrible things they can think of. I struggle to get away from them, but they chase after me, still smirking, still calling out terrible words of hateful, vile substance. It almost feels like I don't belong here.
But truly, I don't.
"Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul."
-1 Peter 2:11
Funny how the Bible just sort of speaks to you sometimes, huh? Like it just, lays it all out there, plain as day and pure as truth can get.
Because I, and all other members of the body of Christ, have been completely changed by the Holy Spirit -basically our old, filthy souls were dragged out of our body and replaced with fresh, new ones- of course we will find the ways of old repulsive. It's like looking back on the things you did in high school, back when you were young and foolish, and groaning in disgust, saying, "Why did I ever even think to do that?!"
Well, you didn't know any better. Neither do they. They don't know the joy of God, they haven't read His life-giving words, they aren't filled with the literal Spirit of Christ, who is constantly guiding you toward a greater goal. This is all they know. All they know is the "it feels good, I do it" policy. You know who made that policy? Satan. He's whispering pretty little lies into their unknowing ears and telling them to do things he says are right. So why get mad at them? And why be surprised? It's fine to hate sin -in fact, that's what God does and wants us to do- but remember to never hate the sinner. They don't know that there is something better, so they search out for good things. Little do they know that what they think is good, is in fact worse.
What's the best way to wake them up? Love. Sure, it may be hard. Sure, it may even seem impossible. But if you choose to love your friends and "enemies" (but not their sin, of course) then they will listen. Love is the loudest voice, yet the one least spoken. And also, showing them love gives them a taste of the real good they can have.
So, what do we do now? I think this. Well, actually, God thinks this (from what I learned):
1. Hate evil, love good (Amos 5:15) (Romans 12:9).
2. Love everyone. Everyone. (Mark 12:31).
-1 John 2:15-17
Let me start with this. The world sucks.
I know that may not be the prettiest, most educated way of describing it, but it really is the most accurate.
When I say the word "suck", I normally say it with my teenager-ish attitude that is usually accompanied by a groan or some kind of look of disdain. That is precisely what this world deserves. Every day I get so much utter garbage thrust into my face. It's like somebody keeps shoving dirt down my throat and expects me to be okay with that, or even be like "Oh yes, dirt! Give me more! More dirt! Awesome!"
Ah, no. It's more like, "Okay, what?! You people actually like this stuff?! What is wrong with you???" (Of course, I cannot actually say that, because I must still love my neighbor. I will say more about the "loving you neighbor" thing later.)
Some prime examples of this:
I go to sit down at my computer, and open up Pinterest or Facebook or Youtube. (Or Buzzfeed on occasion, which I am actually trying to stay away from.) I try to look for the "good" stuff, the funny stuff, the wholesome stuff, but everything is just littered with horrible, mortifying displays of obscenities and people looooooooooove it. They really really love it. And I am horrified. And my day is pretty much ruined.
Apparently, the people of my generation, and supposedly me, are all getting pregnant, doing drugs, defying their parents, and cursing. A lot. Oh man, there is simply no way to get away from the cursing. This "s", that "b" and "f" after "f" after "f". I suppose they just are not educated enough to know any other words to express themselves.
But, hey, everyone's doing it, so, everyone's cool with it. Sex outside of marriage? Hey, why not! Homosexuality? Sure! Why not make your favorite characters- who are brother and sister- date each other? Well, we have no moral limits so, go ahead! (Yes, ladies and gentlemen. There have been a few times when people ship siblings, or even siblings of the same gender. Why? I truly do not know.)
So that covers the cursing and debauchery of this messed up world, but there is a whole other section that I think I can say has probably ruined my life! The twisted, horrific, gruesome, scary side. (If you have read my post about fear, then let me just tell you right now this is the fuel for ALL of my daily fears. All of it. Not even exaggerating.) Essentially, this group takes anything- anything at all- and turns it into some kind of horror story. Even My Little Pony. No, especially My Little Pony. Why? Because the world refuses to let me enjoy anything in peace.
There is essentially no way to go throughout this world each day without encountering each of these diseases at least once. And you know what? I think it's slowly killing me. I really think it is. Creeping under my skin and picking at my brain, infesting my blood with poison.
And the worst part of this all is that the world expects me to like their ideals. They expect me to toss away my virginity before the age of twenty. To smoke weed or do meth. To agree that man can marry man or woman can marry woman or both. And even those general ideas I can deal with. For the most part. But the world likes to "dig deep" into the great details of these events. They love to give prime examples of sex being casually tossed around on television or the internet. Or show just how awesome drugs are. They especially love to flaunt around homosexuality and how they don't give a care about anything I have to say. It's like they grab me by the shoulders and scream into my face all the most horrible things they can think of. I struggle to get away from them, but they chase after me, still smirking, still calling out terrible words of hateful, vile substance. It almost feels like I don't belong here.
But truly, I don't.
"Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul."
-1 Peter 2:11
Funny how the Bible just sort of speaks to you sometimes, huh? Like it just, lays it all out there, plain as day and pure as truth can get.
Because I, and all other members of the body of Christ, have been completely changed by the Holy Spirit -basically our old, filthy souls were dragged out of our body and replaced with fresh, new ones- of course we will find the ways of old repulsive. It's like looking back on the things you did in high school, back when you were young and foolish, and groaning in disgust, saying, "Why did I ever even think to do that?!"
Well, you didn't know any better. Neither do they. They don't know the joy of God, they haven't read His life-giving words, they aren't filled with the literal Spirit of Christ, who is constantly guiding you toward a greater goal. This is all they know. All they know is the "it feels good, I do it" policy. You know who made that policy? Satan. He's whispering pretty little lies into their unknowing ears and telling them to do things he says are right. So why get mad at them? And why be surprised? It's fine to hate sin -in fact, that's what God does and wants us to do- but remember to never hate the sinner. They don't know that there is something better, so they search out for good things. Little do they know that what they think is good, is in fact worse.
What's the best way to wake them up? Love. Sure, it may be hard. Sure, it may even seem impossible. But if you choose to love your friends and "enemies" (but not their sin, of course) then they will listen. Love is the loudest voice, yet the one least spoken. And also, showing them love gives them a taste of the real good they can have.
So, what do we do now? I think this. Well, actually, God thinks this (from what I learned):
1. Hate evil, love good (Amos 5:15) (Romans 12:9).
2. Love everyone. Everyone. (Mark 12:31).
Get away from the junk, but remember you aren't part of it. The ones who are part of it are the ones whom you must help the most.
One day, it will all be gone. Forever.
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes! Make a Change! (ch-ch-changeees...)
Hey everyone.
So yeah, I just wanted to show you that yes, I did change the format of the blog. Now its a water-droplet theme. Before it was an orangish-brown with birds in the corner. Do you like it? Should I change it back?
That is all.
So yeah, I just wanted to show you that yes, I did change the format of the blog. Now its a water-droplet theme. Before it was an orangish-brown with birds in the corner. Do you like it? Should I change it back?
That is all.
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